An ending.

My husband left the house yesterday. Packed up his things, and left. Moved to Texas. I cried when we said goodbye. It was incredibly difficult to watch him packing his car up; I knew it would be, which is why I had asked him to pack everything while I was at work. He promised he would, but he ended up waiting until I was home.

I thought I was going to be ok. I went to the office and couldn't concentrate on anything, and had to fight back tears a few times - but otherwise I was fine. After work my co-worker/friend took me out for drinks, so I could drown my sorrows in liquor. Unhealthy, sure. But I just didn't care. We had a great time, actually. I even spoke to a few men, and had a good night in general. Until suddenly I wasn't having a good time, suddenly I felt tears coming up and then they were streaming down my face and I had to go home.

[It's odd. Initially, he was supposed to leave in January, and he was supposed to move into one of the surrounding suburbs so we could continue to work on our relationship. Less than 2 weeks ago he told me he was moving to Texas, had found a job there, and that he was moving in November. It came out of nowhere. I could tell then it was over, and told him I was going to date other people.]

When I got home I called my parents back, and cried to them. When I got off the phone, I wept some more. I cried when I walked past his room, I had to sit down at the top of the stairs while I wept. I was overcome with sadness and grief when I brushed my teeth this morning and saw his toothbrush was gone. I...am heartbroken.

My therapist asked me if underneath the sadness there was anything that resembled relief. I feel like I can breathe again. But at the same time, I'm so...sad. And numb. But at least I feel human. Thank god for that.

Finding Waldo

I have a date this Friday night. What is, arguably, my first date ever, actually. No one's ever asked me out - there has always been sneaking around, or "hey, I'm going here with friends, want to join?" or blind dates or group dates. But I met a guy at a Halloween costume contest this past Friday night, and somehow we started talking, and then we made out. And then he asked for my number! And....actually contacted me! He's adorable. He was dressed as Waldo, and I suspect that's what drew my eye to him - I mean, after all, we're trained from an early age to find Waldo in a crowd, aren't we?

Anyway, we've been texting for the last couple of days, and he asked me out. Or rather, if I'd like to come to the countryside, a.k.a., suburbia, where he is. I'm assuming it's because my husband still lives in the house, at least this week. He's out as of next week. But anyway, Waldo's going to plan something and we're going to hang out.

I'm excited, nervous, excited! I get little butterflies in my stomach when he says anything particularly cute, and sometimes even when I get a notification that I have a new text message. He's cute, and funny. If anything, it's nice to have a first kiss again, and nice to have a first date (even if it's my first date ever!). It's nice to think about what I'm going to wear, to flirt with someone, to make little innuendos and blush at his.

So, here's to Waldo, and my first date ever. Let's hope it goes well!