My husband left the house yesterday. Packed up his things, and left. Moved to Texas. I cried when we said goodbye. It was incredibly difficult to watch him packing his car up; I knew it would be, which is why I had asked him to pack everything while I was at work. He promised he would, but he ended up waiting until I was home.
I thought I was going to be ok. I went to the office and couldn't concentrate on anything, and had to fight back tears a few times - but otherwise I was fine. After work my co-worker/friend took me out for drinks, so I could drown my sorrows in liquor. Unhealthy, sure. But I just didn't care. We had a great time, actually. I even spoke to a few men, and had a good night in general. Until suddenly I wasn't having a good time, suddenly I felt tears coming up and then they were streaming down my face and I had to go home.
[It's odd. Initially, he was supposed to leave in January, and he was supposed to move into one of the surrounding suburbs so we could continue to work on our relationship. Less than 2 weeks ago he told me he was moving to Texas, had found a job there, and that he was moving in November. It came out of nowhere. I could tell then it was over, and told him I was going to date other people.]
When I got home I called my parents back, and cried to them. When I got off the phone, I wept some more. I cried when I walked past his room, I had to sit down at the top of the stairs while I wept. I was overcome with sadness and grief when I brushed my teeth this morning and saw his toothbrush was gone. I...am heartbroken.
My therapist asked me if underneath the sadness there was anything that resembled relief. I feel like I can breathe again. But at the same time, I'm so...sad. And numb. But at least I feel human. Thank god for that.
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