My husband and I decided to separate about a month ago. We're still sharing a home, but he moved into the guestroom several months ago - I guess it was just a precursor to moving out. He plans to move out in January (though to hear him tell it, he's moving out next month - I guess we'll see).
I'm...heartbroken. Sad. Disappointed. Grieving. I feel like I'm mourning the loss of companionship, the life I dreamed of, the life I thought I had. I'm trying to let myself feel the pain; I know I need to feel it. I feel so alone in this. It's hard because I'm SO good at just pushing this stuff away. I know deep down that this is the right step for us. Things have to change - and this will certainly change things. I keep telling myself that it's for the better, that no matter what happens - whether we ultimately divorce or we rekindle what we once had - it will be different, and it will be better. There's still a little blaze of hope in me that suddenly, he'll grow up and be responsible and show up on my doorstep with flowers and a promise that he is finally the man he told me he was.
I know it's not likely, but a girl can dream, right?
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