I had my fourth date with Waldo yesterday, and it was nothing short of amazing. I can't even begin to describe how wonderful it was. We didn't do anything fancy - we'd planned a low-key movie marathon at my house - 2 of my favorites, 2 of his, and 1 we both liked. The time was spent curled up on the couch, limbs tangled up, laughing at stupid things in the movies (or, more often, our commentary as to the movies), kissing, listening to his heartbeat. We had this great energy, and it felt so, so good to laugh like that. It's been ages since I've laughed freely with someone like that.
So, I began today with this feeling of lightness, and I end it with a feeling of heaviness. A mutual friend learned that my soon-to-be-ex husband chose Nowhereseville, Texas (as opposed to a suburb nearby so 'we could work on our relationship') specifically because for months he'd been speaking to someone from his hometown who had moved out there, and they were going to shack up. I'm not crying over him anymore, thank god. But I'm...sad. It's re-opened the wound of the night he told me he'd been cheating on me, the night that put this all on fast-forward. I shouldn't be surprised; of course he was actually cheating on me. Everything else in our relationship was a lie; why wouldn't he be cheating on me, too? Because despite all he had with me - the successful, intelligent, funny, beautiful woman...it wasn't enough for him. I won't devolve into attacking him, but I will say this: he should seriously take a hard look at himself. Truly, karma will come back to haunt him, and then he will get everything he deserves.
But no matter. It's his loss, truly. Someone else's gain. And certainly my gain - because as much as it hurts, it's the good kind of hurt. I'm growing stronger, realizing my own self worth and realizing that I DID deserve better than him. I DO deserve better than him.
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