On Life in Limbo

Limbo is a scary place to be, relationship-wise. Exclusive but not 'together'. Committed but not. Serious but not. Are we or aren't we? What ARE we?

I know in a way a lot of this limbo is probably a result of where I am in terms of the divorce. Who's going to commit to a woman who is technically still married, especially when you've only known her for a few months, you're still getting to know her, and you don't really know if she'll actually go through with the divorce? On top of figuring out how you feel and how much of a risk you're willing to take (which is hard enough as it is), something like that really complicates things. It's frustrating, in a way, because really I'd like to just be DONE with Mr. Texas, once and for all, cut all ties with him and just forget about that part of my life.

All that to say...things with Waldo are going well, I think. I enjoy his company, we're spending more and more time together. I've met his family, he's met my friends (aka my local family), I'm meeting his friends this weekend, and he's meeting my parents in a few weeks - as my date to my best friend's wedding. He's...so patient. And kind. And understanding. And funny. And as difficult as it can be for me to do because it's so scary, I'm actually able to open up to him and talk to him about things that frighten me or ask him for things that I'm terrified will scare him away. In a way I'm learning how to take ownership in my stake in a relationship, which is great - and what a great guy to learn with. He's been amazing in all respects - like the other morning when I panicked and asked for open communication about his (female) best friend, he readily agreed. Or like the other night when I was suddenly reminded of something awful Mr. Texas had said and I needed to take a minute to go and collect myself - unexpectedly, he came over to hold me and comfort me. Or like this weekend, when I opened up about really wishing he could show the same enthusiasm about me that he shows for one of his favorite actresses....he understood, and started to act on it. And continues to do so.

He is sweet, and wonderful, and tries. And I want to try for him, too. I want to be sweet and wonderful for him. He inspires me to be...trusting, and comfortable, and open. I want to do the same for him. So while we're in limbo, I want to learn how to do that for him. I want to build on what we have. The other night he told me that he wants to be sure what he's feeling is real. I want to make sure what I'm feeling is real, too, because it seems...it feels almost too easy. It's confusing and scary, for sure - but...it feels easy, too. Whenever I just SAY what's on my mind, it's incredibly easy.

In a way, though, I'm kind of glad for the divorce. As much as I'd like to just be done with Mr. Texas and have no more ties to him, I'm somewhat glad for this hurdle we have. It's like it's forcing things to go slowly, so we can both make sure this is real, so we can learn about one another, so I can learn about myself and what I need. So limbo...as frustrating as you are, I appreciate you. I really do. I have no idea where this is heading, I have no idea what's going to meet me on the other side of this, but I'm looking forward to it.